Spoken Word: Open Letter to My Parents from Their Dead Daughter

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am a liar
For the past 17 years of our lives
You watched a young girl twirl in her skirts
And draw attention to herself in every home-made VHS
You saw her in awe as she watched you, mama,
put on your Covergirl foundation
The scent of its chemical makeup still filling the bathroom

You spent years of your energy
Your hearts
Your souls
Your money
Taking care of her
Nurturing and watching her develop
Between doctors’ visits and surgeries
You have a lot invested in her

I have some bad news
That little girl
With sandy blonde hair
And eyes so green,
Moana thinks that they are the heart of Te Fiti
Is no longer around

I know you carried that precious girl for nine months
Taught her how to be a lady
Taught her how to dress properly
But they now are teaching themself how to dress how they want

I know you protected her well
As you put on Moby when you give her a bath
You showed her many new artists and got her invested in the arts
Their taste has shifted now

You see, your little girl is no longer a little girl
She is no longer a girl at all in fact,
She has now blossomed into someone new
They are now your child
I am now your child

This change may come across as sudden to you
But in all honesty,
It has been in the works for a long, long while now

This is something that I have put in a lot of thought into
It’s not something that is just one of my “phases”
I’ve grown older
And I’m becoming more and more of myself
With every passing day

I am still the same being
I am just trying to be more comfortable with myself
And to me
That means starting over.

I hope that one day
You both can understand
That I am not ashamed of my past
I am simply trying to create a future
Where I can really feel that I can wake up
And recognize who I am

I still have my sandy blonde hair
I still have the Te Fiti green eyes
I can no longer go on pretending
That I am the same person I was
For that first 17 years of my life

Mom and Dad
I love you both just the same
Please continue loving me
Just the same as you have

Your Dead Daughter, A.K.A Your Alive Child

Since It Happened

Since It happened
I got my acceptance letter to my dream college

Since It happened
I couldn’t focus on school

Since It happened
Something changed

Since It happened
I quit my job

Since It happened
I shaved my head

Since It happened
He is still the quarterback

Since It happened
I burned my clothes

Since It happened
He still has his friends

Since It happened
I have none left

Since It happened
He is still a teacher’s pet

Since It happened
People whisper as I walk past them

Since It happened
He became the school’s spokesperson

Since It happened
I had my voice taken away

Since It happened
It will always happen

Since It happened
I had to gather my courage

Since It happened
I sought out help

Since It happened
I now found my voice

Since It happened
I told others about It

Since It happened
People now listen to me

Since It happened
He lost his scholarship

Since It happened
I became the school’s new spokesperson

Since It happened
He lost most of his friends

Since It happened
I gained new friends

Since It happened
He will never be able to distance himself from It

Since It happened
I help others with their own It