Spoken Word: Open Letter to My Parents from Their Dead Daughter
Dear Mom and Dad,
I am a liar
For the past 17 years of our lives
You watched a young girl twirl in her skirts
And draw attention to herself in every home-made VHS
You saw her in awe as she watched you, mama,
put on your Covergirl foundation
The scent of its chemical makeup still filling the bathroom
You spent years of your energy
Your hearts
Your souls
Your money
Taking care of her
Nurturing and watching her develop
Between doctors’ visits and surgeries
You have a lot invested in her
I have some bad news
That little girl
With sandy blonde hair
And eyes so green,
Moana thinks that they are the heart of Te Fiti
Is no longer around
Mom
I know you carried that precious girl for nine months
Taught her how to be a lady
Taught her how to dress properly
But they now are teaching themself how to dress how they want
Dad
I know you protected her well
As you put on Moby when you give her a bath
You showed her many new artists and got her invested in the arts
Their taste has shifted now
You see, your little girl is no longer a little girl
She is no longer a girl at all in fact,
She has now blossomed into someone new
They are now your child
I am now your child
This change may come across as sudden to you
But in all honesty,
It has been in the works for a long, long while now
This is something that I have put in a lot of thought into
It’s not something that is just one of my “phases”
I’ve grown older
And I’m becoming more and more of myself
With every passing day
I am still the same being
I am just trying to be more comfortable with myself
And to me
That means starting over.
I hope that one day
You both can understand
That I am not ashamed of my past
I am simply trying to create a future
Where I can really feel that I can wake up
And recognize who I am
I still have my sandy blonde hair
I still have the Te Fiti green eyes
But
I can no longer go on pretending
That I am the same person I was
For that first 17 years of my life
Mom and Dad
I love you both just the same
Please continue loving me
Just the same as you have
Sincerely,
Your Dead Daughter, A.K.A Your Alive Child
Since It Happened
Since It happened
I got my acceptance letter to my dream college
Since It happened
I couldn’t focus on school
Since It happened
Something changed
Since It happened
I quit my job
Since It happened
I shaved my head
Since It happened
He is still the quarterback
Since It happened
I burned my clothes
Since It happened
He still has his friends
Since It happened
I have none left
Since It happened
He is still a teacher’s pet
Since It happened
People whisper as I walk past them
Since It happened
He became the school’s spokesperson
Since It happened
I had my voice taken away
Since It happened
It will always happen
Since It happened
I had to gather my courage
Since It happened
I sought out help
Since It happened
I now found my voice
Since It happened
I told others about It
Since It happened
People now listen to me
Since It happened
He lost his scholarship
Since It happened
I became the school’s new spokesperson
Since It happened
He lost most of his friends
Since It happened
I gained new friends
Since It happened
He will never be able to distance himself from It
Since It happened
I help others with their own It